i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
