my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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