Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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