i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
