A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
