i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize