My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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