I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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