no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
