apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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