Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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