Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
