chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
