i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
