I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
