capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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