I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
