Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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