is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
