Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
