Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
