Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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