so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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