According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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