the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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