I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
