I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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