he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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