I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
