Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
