Come see our sink grown plant.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
