Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
