I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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