somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
