new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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