Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
