after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
