you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
