Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize