1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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