i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
