I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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