That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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