Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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