I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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