Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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