idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
