And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
