At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I met the friendliest cop last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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