meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
