Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
