We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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