is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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