Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
