fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
