In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
