It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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