I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
