literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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