Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
