Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
