Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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