Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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