I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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