I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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