I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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