I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
